you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
