My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize