you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
