K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
