1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize