Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
