i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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