we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
