At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
