you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
