i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
