You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
