Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
