i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
