god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
