Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
