I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
