I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
