When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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