that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
