I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
