He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
