I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
