i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
