Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
