i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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