Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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