Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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