My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
