So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
