I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
