i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
