she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize