wrigley field is MILF paradise
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
