she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
