Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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