i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
