Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
