we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
