No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All the doctor said was why
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize