I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
