I wish my penis had an off switch
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
either way he was missing a nipple.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
