also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize