it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
