found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
