What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
