Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
