I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize