Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
