It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
