I wish I could punch you in the face.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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