I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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