He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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