Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
