That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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