someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
