Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
