Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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