its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
