I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
