my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize