I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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