My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
