I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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