don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
