You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
