just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
