How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We need to get me chipped asap
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A+ Viking dick
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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