Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
