So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
